See what I did there?
If I am honest, I find it a bit weird to get as much feedback as I have, adjusted to scale for my tiny footprint as a writer, on a topic as simple and to me uncontroversial as 'I just love giving men head.'
I mean, I understand that not everyone wants a hard cock in their mouth. Straight men. Children. The Mentally Ill... OK, I am exaggerating, but while most, but surprisingly not all men seem to have an attitude perhaps best described as 'you go, girl' or 'you do you, doing what you do' or whatever, some react with the sort of suspicion best saved for actually being scammed.
Also, it has occurred to me that if ever I wrote a post that followed the 'things you should do,' this would be the one to 'use many graphics to break up all that text. People don't like words in bunches, they intimidate them, so pictures are important.'
Well, given the pictures I'd need to source for this one, I may just. Pictures are important, after all.
(Because unless I've promised to give you a hummer and failed to deliver by the appointed time, then somehow forgotten that I was supposed to be on my knees about now, I'm not scamming anyone, since I am not selling it, not trying to get anything by it (except the obvious mouthful), basically am not expressing anything other than the joy of doing something that apparently more straight women than gay men find to be something of a distasteful chore at best.
I beg to differ. (I also beg under other circumstances, on account of I am shameless and dignity has no place in the bedroom, or bent over the sofa, or...)
Believe me, I think it is absolutely perfect that it makes you feel so good, I do. Pleasing is what I do. But when I suck your cock for the entire football game?
My friend calls his cock 'my pacifier' since he is my go-to when not with someone and because he spends a lot of time with my head in his lap.
I am doing it for you, absolutely, to the fullest possible making you feel worshipped. But I am mostly doing it for me. I go down like a submarine because, as same friend remarked unfairly funnily so I am stealing, there is a world of difference between a woman giving head to a parrot (retarded) and a girl who has been known to suck a cockatoo (popular).
It's like cocaine, in that it makes girls horny sluts... erm, no, that's the other thing. It's like cocaine in that if it wasn't so, so much fun I wouldn't do it.
I've realized that I am going to have to explain my preferences re : other naughtiness in order to fully express my thoughts on sucking a man's cock, other than 'yes, please' or 'please, sirs, may I have another?' (The latter said in an Oliver Twisty voice of course.)
What The Fuck Is Cozy Socking?
...You Stupid Bimbo being assumed if not explicitly stated.
To make a long story short, someone on Twitter (I know already) tweeted something about 'cozy socks' and like four of us erotica writers all got horny dyslexia and read it as 'sucking cocks' on account of we are dirty. So now it's kind of a safe way to say 'blowing a guy' without flipping too many lids or worrying about adult content.
If you can't see how the two could be transposed, either you don't know anything about dyslexia, or you know more than I do about dyslexia, but either way, it wasn't just me. And even if it were, I am easily amused and already call myself a cock mitten when I'm really horny and trying to make a point to someone who may not be fully grasping that I am trying to get them laid.
Some People Suck Cock(s)...
While some have cocks thrust upon them, which is not as much fun as thrust into them. I'd be as up for a titty fuck as the next girl, if I had the next girl's tits for it because chances are they're bigger than my little muffins. Alas... Though I am still open to frottage in general as a rule, although what's better than dry humping? Wet fucking. Trust me on this, I am an expert, I know what I am doing. Most of the time. I may be too stoned to remember what that, or my own name is from time to time, but I know when I'm being all sexed up.
I've always wondered why 'cocksucker' is both one of the worst insults one man can hurl at another and pretty much what every man kinda wants his lover to be and they don't get confused or anything. Because if it is so horrible, I promise never to suck your cock, ever, and to discourage anyone else who might mistakenly go for a dive.
You know, bobbing for erections? It's something I play every Hallow- no, every chance I get, silly. Hallowe'en is for slutty costumes, slutty costume parties, potentially anonymously hooking up with someone thinking they were someone else (I hate it when that happens...) etc. Oh, and candy, of course.
Giving head is holiday fun that comes around every 24/7 365¼ as far as I am concerned.
Everyone Knows It's Fake?
Yes! I mean no, it's totally not fake. Those cocks are real. But I finally found a way to bring my embarrassing addiction to WWE into my smutty writing without it being fan-girlishly sad, creepy or some kind of lawsuit waiting to happen.
A friend of mine was once telling me a story, and said (in part, otherwise it would be a very short story) "...so I was sucking this guy's cock, and I was really selling it, you know?"
Anyhow, I just thought that was the funniest thing ever, and yes it was on a WWE discussion thread, where else am I going to find anyone half as weird, funny and sexually disturbingly open-minded as I am?
But at the same time, I was thinking, 'You don't have to sell it if you mean it, babe.'
Selling being a wrestling term for making the other person's pretend punches look like they really hurt, while somehow ignoring that half the moves a wrestler makes hurt them worse than anyone else. Have you ever seen someone jump off the top rope, 'drop kick' their opponent who basically lets there be contact then throws themselves backwards as though struck by a charging moose? If you pay closer attention, you may notice it's the one 'kicking' that just jumped and landed on their back, hip, head...
But I'm Maybe Touching On Some Unfamiliar, So...
No, I didn't forget I have some explaining to do.
While I am well aware that I am not the 'typical' person in many respects, without that making me a special snowflake (just a snowbunny)... just wired a little differently and absolutely fine that way. But I definitely have no hangups where sexuality is concerned, and am pretty kinda obviously more, ah, receptive than many? No? OK, pretty much am unnervingly easy.
Part of that stems from my also being very, very submissive in nature, in bed I will quickly clarify, or you know, over the back of the couch or wherever... But part of it also stems from my having over time just come to understand what makes me happy, what is good or bad for me (mostly), and not letting my pride or some hangup get in my own way.
When I really like something, I really, really like it. Sex is one of the two things I like best of all.
So I am not the type to let someone else's notion of 'feminism' inform my sense of 'I prefer it when I'm the bitch' where my 'whose orgasms are these anyway?' in that respect. I'm submissive, I'm attracted to assertive males and so no, there is no equality in the bedroom (or...) with me. Someone's the hammer, and someone really loves getting nailed.
Fucking More Or Less Conventionally
By which I don't mean 'Missionary,' I mean 'put it in my pussy, not in my ear please.'
Girls are supposed to enjoy being fucked. I mean, if they swing that way of course, not 'all bitches want this.' You know you're out there. I know you're out there too, and may even have contributed to that, ah, confidence.
But my point is pretty unassailable, I think, when it is that nature made us for fucking. But also for having a career, and raising a family and curing cancer of course.
But definitely for fucking. Pussies have two main roles : being fucked and cummed in, and possibly providing an escape for any little bundles of joy (I'm told they really are, though my maternal instincts are discernible mainly by their absence) that result from the fucking and cumming in part.
If we're where men are supposed to want to be, and anything as silly and trivial as propagating the species is involved, nature tends to provide reward mechanisms.
Which is why masturbation, and anyone too uptight to masturbate is my personal definition of 'totally retarded.'
And shock, surprise, but being fucked is one of the more reliable ways I've found of 'feeling really, really good and probably cumming at least once or twice.' So there's that whole incentive, even if nature would sorely regret knocking me up.
Simple? Simple. Capiche? Capiche. On to giving up the booty then!
Giving Up The Booty, Then?
It may not be for everyone, but it seems to be fore more of them than they often thought...
OK, so if being conventionally fucked, in the pussy like civilized perverts, as opposed to in the ear, or up your nose, feels good because it's meant to (and those others? not meant to, I wager) then where does the booty come in?
In my experience, my booty (and what I lack in boobs, do I ever make up in booty) typically draws attention either when it's being naughty (even girls fart, and unicorns definitely do not fart rainbows damnit), or when it's being encouraged to be really naughty.
Like, he has that itch naughty.
Because face it, while it's certainly possible to enjoy it, some even cum from it (definitely column 1, sadly not column 2 but I am never going to say never), giving up the booty is more about him.
Firstly, I do feel a slight urge to point out to men : You do realize that just... so, so close to there, you have that other place, the one that is all wet and snug and fertile and oh just shoot me for trying to sell it a little, but I am saying. If you only put your cocks up our (or whoever's) bums, the Human race is extinct in a hurry.
That said, I get it. It's dirty hot, taboo though maybe less than it was, it's somewhere else for you to stick your cocks in that aren't an electrical socket or mousetrap or anything similarly unpleasant, and that's pretty much reason enough, I get it, but admit it...
It's also totally owning her. Especially if you're the first.
I am not qualified to expand upon the dynamics of male/male fucking, other than to opine that it can turn me on, so I won't. Other than that last part.
And for a lot of girls, particularly those who haven't already sacrificed their poor bums to save their virginities, giving it up is a big deal too. It's being naughty, dirty, slutty, embarrassed and above all, owned. We get that. So when we offer it, it's something to maybe to cherish between us? Definitely to enjoy, even give us the 'I tapped that' smirk, from time to time.
It's really much less often something to announce to the entire dormitory, or with the Internet, Hell, why not the world? Especially while we're still in bed? Because nothing is more fun than total strangers whose name you don't even know smirking at you because you're now somehow attainable because someone else fucked us where we're a little stinky?
So basically, getting a hard knock in the booty is something that, well, before we got more polite about things and more conscientious of notions like consent, more girls then than now were plenty familiar about, but it comes down to this to me : No one ever died by getting a cock up the booty and learning that they liked it, and as long as it feels good for at least one of us, preferably both, and that the other of us is not in, you know, 'some discomfort,' or perhaps a touch of 'in distress,' (clue : If she's cryin'...) then whatever's clever. I mean, if warmed up and he knows what he's doing, I really kinda enjoy it, on account of the whole I am a submissive pleasure slave (and my own worst enemy) and all.
But it's being taken, it's about a totally different dynamic, at least to me, than getting fucked just as dirty, lewdly screwed conventionally.
So yeah, you get it, I'm lying just to try pretending that I'm not just a total slut, 'no, we just do it for you' blah, blah. So, that leaves either fucking me in the armpit (don't you dare even...) and that other thing not a hand job, you know, the one this whole essay is supposedly about?
(Not to worry, I am being hosted by a friend so the pixels are free, no matter how many of them I use.)
Natural Born Cozy Socker?
You'd better fucking believe it.
So, if I love to do it, and you love it when I do it, and you aren't worried that I am a faggot or something (just me taking my shot at the type of people who use cocksucker pejoratively) then you'd think the obvious thing to do would be you let me-slash-encourage me-slash-just-tell-me-if-you-own-me do what I want very much to do anyway, right?
Not a man, so no homo, bro. That you know of, anyhow, but if there is it wasn't me. That is unless you're a girl, because I am so homo that way, but girls as a general rule don't have cocks, so can wait their turn, this essay is all about the men.
I am just about to tell everyone just how much it is definitely, absolutely, all about the men.
Like, so, so all about the men.
Not living in pornland, at least not in the sense of a (high-definition, perfectly cast, elegantly set, tastefully erotic) porn being your reality, I don't cum giving head without some help, whether on my own, from the guy whose cock is in my mouth, or some helpful third (?) party.
But believe me when I tell you that if I could, I would. To really, really sell it. (No, because any time the question is cumming, or not cumming? I choose cumming.)
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